Day Two: My Kids Open Packages With a Weed Wacker, Apparently

I thought maybe rabid honey badgers had been let into my house to open packages/food, but no, just my kids. Hasn't anyone done a YouTube tutorial showing you can open a cereal box without tearing it to shreds? So far online all the updates have been Rudolph to the extreme, shiny and bright. Playing board …

Day One Self-Isolation: Everything is Shiny and Bright

It seems I have time on my hands. Lots of time. Nothing but time, really. The dog's going to be getting a lot of walks in these coming weeks. Yesterday, my employer made the difficult decision to shut down his business for, as of right now, two weeks. It's a health club, one-on-one personal training. …

Advice To My 24-Hours-From-Now Self

Seriously, put on the sunscreen, Magda.

Tap Tap Tap…. Is This Thing On?

Wow. It's been a while. Funny how things that are important drop to the wayside when other things like life get in the way. Oh, I know. If it's important to you, you make time for it. Like self-care, right? Which, I guess is true but from a privileged standpoint. That single mom doesn't exactly …

The Great Canadian Halloween Candy Heist

December 2007 Fwap Fwap Fwap It was a lull in the conversation that allowed us to hear it. Fwap Fwap Fwap Five pairs of eyes immediately dropped to the floor, honing in on the orange and brown candy wrapper partially protruding from the plastic vent cover, now flapping not-so-quietly because the heat had come on. …

As The Road Turns

The thing is, you don't necessarily see the turn in the road until it's upon you. I wasn't expecting a turn in my road. My road has already been quite turny this year, I have had enough turns. It's, in fact, more like a tangled ball of yarn I've been desperately trying to unknot but …

You Didn’t Just F*ck Up One of Your 18 Summers With Your Kids

There were a few articles going around earlier in the spring about how you only have 18 summers with your kids. Eighteen summers to discover, explore, barbecue, travel, camp, splash at splash pads, swing at the park, roast marshmallows, swim ... so, you know, you better make the best of it. Please stop. While I …

The Warmth of His Hand

I feel his palm warm against my arm, a slight movement of his fingers as his hand finally settles.  Tired, I only want to sleep, impatient and silently wishing for him to feed quickly so I can go back to bed. The memory is now barely there, the act of his hand grabbing onto my …

The Reality of Parenting

I attachment parent. I also dictate. My children have slept in my bed. Sometimes I snuck out to sleep in theirs. I wanted natural childbirth. I begged for drugs. In my mind I was cloth diapers. In reality, the disposables called out to me. I breastfed. Until I couldn't. I have spoken to them with …

Listen To Your Teen’s Music No Matter How Sh*tty It Is

When I drive my son anywhere we have a deal. We listen to my music on the way there and his on the way back. I've now reached the age where I don't understand a lot of today's music and I suspect I'm only a few mere years away from shaking my fist in the …